Unless you have had your telephone disconnected or have been vacationing in outer Siberia, you know this is an election year in Arkansas. We have a governor’s race and an especially heated one for the Senate going on in The Natural State.

Unless you have had your telephone disconnected or have been vacationing in outer Siberia, you know this is an election year in Arkansas. We have a governor’s race and an especially heated one for the Senate going on in The Natural State.


Recently, I heard a CNN report covering these races. The commentator predicted the "average" woman would determine the outcome because she spent twice as many hours than her husband studying the candidates and their platforms.


I thought about that. Who was this average woman and how did they find her?


Was a contest held? Did reporters lurk outside our windows to observe our habits? Was she you? Was she me? The more I pondered this, the sillier my thoughts became. Politics aside, I drew up my own prototype of the "average woman." Let’s see if you agree…


• If you have ever spit in your hand to clean your child’s dirty face … you may be an average woman.


• If you cannot remember the last time you wore a full slip or girdle … you may be an average woman.


• If you occasionally wash only the feet of your panty hose … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever tried to pass off a store-bought cake as your own recipe … you may be an average woman.


• If you’ve ever scraped the side of the car on the garage door and swore it must have happened in the parking lot … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever re-given a present OR wrapped your sister-in-law’s gift (bought at Wal-Mart) in a Dillard’s or Chico’s box … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever sprayed cologne around the living room when unexpected company shows up … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever lied to your husband about the price of a new dress or told him, "Oh, it’s just one I haven’t worn in a long time."… you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever, half-asleep, placed a towel on the wet spot in your baby’s bed rather than changing it … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever used your husband’s razor to shave your legs and thought he would never notice … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever used scotch tape to "hem" a falling skirt line … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever hidden some of the kids’ Christmas presents so well you could not find them late Christmas Eve … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever returned from the beauty shop after a new cut, perm, etc. and cried your eyes out … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever washed your new red T-shirt with your "whites" and dyed your husband’s underwear pink (and he was ashamed to wear them) … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever used WHITE-OUT as nail polish to repair French nails … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever served your children cereal with water because you’d forgotten to buy milk … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever enhanced your bra by the use of Kleenex … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever lied about your weight/age on your driver’s licences … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever discovered too late your dog made a ‘deposit’ by the couch just after company arrived … you may be an average woman.


• If you have ever tried to apply false eyelashes to wear to your husband’s Christmas Party, only to find one has come loose and is flapping in the breeze … you may be an average woman.


• If, during PMS, you have ever been tempted to inflict bodily harm on a loved one …you may be an average woman.


So, if you have been guilty of any of these infractions, CNN just might be interested in you when the next campaign rolls around.


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Brenda Miles is an award-winning columnist and author residing in Hot Springs Village. Send your comments to brenstar@suddenlink.net.